I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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