Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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