Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
