What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
