the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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