Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
