We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
