me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
