I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
