it's not cheating when I paid for it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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