I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
