I smell stomach acid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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