whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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