Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
