so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
