I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
