You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry my hands just texted you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
