update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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