I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
