i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
