She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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