Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
