i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
