so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
