They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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