dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
