I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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