im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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