KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
me + whiskey = a bad person
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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