Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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