Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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