Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
