Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
