he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
