Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
