i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
