called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
