i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
