you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
