Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
