I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
