he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
