No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
