We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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