Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
