my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
