Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
