so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
