were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
