I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
