Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
