i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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