I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
