i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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