I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
