im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
