just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
